I Want to Know Your Story

I’ve had a number of moments profoundly shape my way of thinking and working. One of those was when I began to more fully appreciate the importance of asking people to share their stories. That morphed into the principle of “Connect Before Content,” and other elements that are now core foundations in my professional practice and personal engagement with people.

In 2018, The Unreasonable Group invited me to become a Mentor. This included an invitation to a retreat including Fellows (member CEOs) and Mentors in the California redwoods. Every night after dinner, the participants (who were mostly meeting for the first time), participated in Jeffersonian Dinners. After finishing our meals, each table of cohorts would be given a question to address. Each person would have two to three minutes of time to respond without interruption or feedback. The experience lasted about an hour. I was struck by how much we came to connect with each other as an entire collective based on this nightly ritual.

When I returned to my practice from this experience, a colleague had been coincidentally applying the power of personal story sharing in circle configurations. It was somewhat different, but a similar experience. I was blown away at how starting a major initiative or session was strengthened by this intentional activity. How could this be so impactful?

I started looking at underlying research, and the evidence is clear that personal storytelling/listening leads to much greater connection. A sub-theme is that vulnerability leads to greater connection, rather than connection as a prerequisite for vulnerability.

In his wonderful book, “How to Know a Person,” author David Brooks devotes a couple of chapters to the concept of actively listening/sharing personal stories. He deftly weaves in the research that reinforces why this is so important to advancing ourselves in everyday life.

In ancient cultures, “story” is a verb for a reason. The Zulu’s embrace Sawubona as a sense of deeply seeing each other, and showing up to be seen. In our western world of screen time/earbud immersion, increasing loneliness, isolation, identity labeling, and polarization, we NEED the connection of each other’s stories more than ever.

Don’t make it too difficult to work at this. Simply ask people about their lives; their highs, lows, turning points. Be present and actively listen. Compassionately consider their journey. Don’t be offended if they don’t reciprocate by asking for yours. Generously give your ears without expecting anything in return.

One of my ambitions is to encourage every leader and organization to embrace Connect Before Content throughout the workplace. I’ve often said that if I had ONLY ONE strategy to use, I’d have every person in an organization meet in mixed groups of 15 to 20 people, for one to two hours to simply share their personal stories. I’m convinced the culture and performance would improve, regardless of strategy or business model effectiveness. I’m looking for that first CEO to take me up on that proposition.

Think Big, Start Small, Act Now, and CONNECT THROUGH STORY,

- Lorne

One Millennial View: How many people got uncomfortable when it was suggested to “simply ask people about their lives; their highs, lows, turning points?” It seems as though it’s almost fashionable to try to discover the stories of others without asking, for fear that we’ll come across as too inquisitive, intrusive or worse, a time suck. Make time to learn the journey, not just the statistics we post on our bios.

- Garrett

I Want to Know Your Story

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